Is Dark Romance Allowing a Dark Space?

Holding women to the same standard to which we hold men.

**Trigger Warning: Sexual assault is discussed in this article.

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The idea of romance as a genre is relatively new. The “classic” bodice rippers that became popular in the 1970s and 1980s were among the first of their kind to be marketed explicitly to women in a public manner. You would recognize them from their cheesy covers featuring half-naked men and women spilling out of their dresses, their hair blowing gloriously in an unnatural wind.

Newer still are sub-genres like romantasy, romcoms, monster romance, and dark romance. But when you think of romantasy, romcoms, monster/alien, and anything else of that nature, if it has “spice” and a happily ever after, then it’s considered a romance. This evolution of the genre, which now encompasses a wide range of categories, is part of recent changes aimed at keeping pace with the times.

We benefit from an era where a genre is written by women, for women. (Yes, I know some men read them too, but for the purpose of this, I will use broad statements.) For the first time in mainstream media, it is not shameful for women to read books that cater to their interests and bring them joy. Adorable cartoon book covers are a discreet way of hiding sex scenes that make us all swoon. Women have a medium that not only celebrates sex for women, but where sex is expected. The idea is liberating. It’s realizing that the women and authors before us have paved the way for us to be here, and we, in turn, are paving the way for this genre to become normalized for future readers.

But does this freedom now reflect what men have always had? In a world where seeing their first Playboy magazine was a rite of passage, sex in media has been readily available and crafted for men. What’s a woman to do with this freedom? Does this freedom lead to a predatory nature that makes some women feel that they can act a certain way? I certainly hope not, but I find it to be an interesting question.

You may recall the Sinners and Stardust controversy that occurred in August 2025. For those unfamiliar, let me set the stage: Sinners and Stardust is a dark romance-themed event featuring authors, cosplayers, and a ball where guests can dress up and dance the night away. As a dark romance reader myself, this is everything I want in an event. The costumes looked amazing, the attention to detail was immaculate, and the author lineup was fantastic.

It wasn’t long after the event that reports started to trickle in that were honestly horrific. I first saw HD Carlton’s post, where she mentioned a male friend of hers was one of the cosplayers at Sinners and Stardust who a group of women assaulted. These women wouldn’t stop following him, continued to touch him without his consent, put their hands down his pants, and even put an AirTag on him so that they could track him throughout the event.

I saw another report saying that there was a woman performing sexual acts on a dildo. From what I’ve seen, she allegedly took out a dildo, stuck it against the wall in the hotel lobby, and started to “deep throat” it. Apparently, one of the attending authors had a “good girl box” that was filled with sex toys and such, and readers could stick their arm in the box to grab a toy for a surprise. It was a huge success, and many attendees thoroughly enjoyed it. The dildo in question was allegedly from this “good girl box,” and the author has since said that she will no longer bring this box or do a giveaway of this nature at future conventions.

Another author came forward claiming that she was assaulted at the ball by her own readers, other women who would swarm her and not let her leave the area when she wanted. Due to this experience, the same author has stated that she will be taking a break from these types of events.

The organizers of the event have apologized and are enacting changes for future events. Masks will not be allowed, cosplayers will no longer roam around the ballroom but rather will be regulated to one specific area, signage at authors/vendor tables will have signs to indicate their comfort levels regarding photos and physical contact, reduced capacity at the ball itself, and more.

My first thought upon reading about what occurred at this event was how horrified I was. My second was that this will only continue to perpetuate the stigma around the dark romance genre. My third, how could women do this?

I’m not so naive as to think that women are incapable of doing these vile acts, but when you look at the stats, men are far more likely to be the culprits. In 2019, about 94% of known offenders were men and 6% were women. Granted, in 2022, it was estimated that only about 21% of rape/sexual assault cases were reported to police, but I think it’s fair to say the men are who I imagine the offenders to be. So, excuse me if I expect better from my gender.

Aren’t we sympathetic to assault? Don’t women live in enough fear of being assaulted, which has, in many ways, informed the way we go about life?

What led to this? What was it about this event that made a group of women behave in a way that is inexcusable?

I think it’s easy for people to blame the dark romance element. Books in the genre are usually very sexually explicit and dance with taboo subjects. For me, if the trigger warning reads like a grocery list, then I know it’s going on my TBR. The idea of “dubious consent” is pushed to its limits, and violence is often built into the stories. The men are not morally grey; they have no morals.

These books are not for everyone. In fact, they are not for the mass majority. It’s something that readers from outside the genre do not understand.

Where the general populace of women stands on the outskirts of the taboo with their rom-coms or romantasy novels (and looks on with judgment and an apparent lack of understanding), the readers of dark romance get it. It’s a place where the darkest of fantasies get to play out in a controlled environment. Even if it’s not a fantasy they’ve had, they get to see limits being pushed while being wanted by a very dangerous MMC. I have seen several women talk about it being a way to cope with their own history of sexual trauma. Whatever the reason, it’s a genre that can be summarized as “iykyk.”

However, I want to reiterate that I don’t think what happened at Sinners and Stardust has to do with dark romance. I think it reflects a bigger problem.

A few years ago, when the hockey romance genre was really taking off, a group of women began targeting a player from the Seattle Krakens and leaving lewd comments on his posts. These posts went beyond sexualizing him and moved on to true objectification, where he was no longer an individual and only an MMC. The player’s wife had to step forward to remind women that he is a human, with a wife and kids, and that it had gone beyond appreciation and entered dangerous territory.

In a nutshell, it was full-on sexual harassment.

This behavior extends beyond genre and reveals that there are clearly women who have been empowered in the wrong ways. I don’t want to claim that they are lost between reality and fiction. I don’t want to say that these women are sad and lonely, and this is the only way they can be close to men. (All of these statements are what I’ve seen online, not my personal thoughts.) I don’t pretend to understand what, how, or why these things happen.

To me, the acts I’ve described in these various scenarios are inexcusable. If I can hold men accountable without trying to understand why they rape women, then I can hold women accountable, too.

Cosplay is not consent. Dress preference is not consent. Hobbies and interests are not consent. My line remains firm.

But the question remains. Why?

I don’t think there’s a single reason, and we may never get a clear-cut answer. But I can indulge myself in thought exercises and explore modern social studies.

As I mentioned earlier, the expansion of the romance genre and the increased access women have to media that explores feminine joy is a freedom equivalent to that of men, which we are only now beginning to enjoy. However, I don’t think we have come to understand that with freedom comes responsibility. It’s unfair. Men (yes, I know, #notallmen) have not accepted responsibility. The world is crafted so men do not bear the weight of reality. Why do they get to live their life without care, and women have to hold themselves to a higher standard?

Sexual assault is never ok. And that’s that. I don’t hold women to a higher standard; I hold them to the same standard to which I hold men. It’s unacceptable, unjustifiable, and, for me personally, unforgivable. If I wouldn’t excuse a man swarming a woman in cosplay at an event or tracking her with an AirTag, then I will not excuse women for the same acts.

Rather than focusing on the question of “why,” we should be asking ourselves how we hold individuals accountable. Press charges, let them suffer the consequences of their actions, hold up a metaphorical mirror to their face, and show them that they are part of a much larger problem.

This is not about dark romance or the romance genre as a whole. In a space where so many women find comfort and safety, we cannot allow predatory women to feel empowered to act the way they do. It’s not just the responsibility of event organizers to create a safe space, but also for each of us to speak up when we see someone acting out of line.

The romance genre and dark romance as a sub-genre are inherently good spaces. It is up to us to keep it that way.

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With an M.A. in Comparative Literature and a B.A. in Creative Writing, Jac Sahlin is a Californian with Chilean roots who once told her mom, “my version is better” — and never stopped writing. Now she’s a Romantasy writer, podcaster, and unapologetic lover of smut.